freefall.

2007-11-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

i feel as if for every step taken forward, i'm moving another two back.
not that i have any good reason for it.
it's just a general instinct.
put aside all the fun and laughter
i can almost feel myself fitting into another mould
both voluntarily and involuntarily.
slowly becoming very jaded and cynical
and less and less of the idealist i once were.
i'm not so sure if this is a good thing-
my mind's like a huge reversi board now.
every white seed becomes black and vice versa.
some things naturally loses its meaning. other things, i cling on to harder.

the all too complex human brain. i wish i could decipher more of it.

2007-10-19T12:12:00.000+08:00

time waits for no one.
there is no standstill.
you either move forward, or you fall back.
in times when there is no progress,
where does one fall back to?
the road down, like the one up, is never ending.
a black abyss.
i think i'm falling.
so will you come pick me up?
will you be able to pick me up?

Business Card

2007-08-31T12:10:00.000+08:00

Check out my new Business card. Nice rite.. haha.. =D

Trust

2007-08-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i wish i was more sensitive and not so 'childish'.

Sorry.

flyg.

2007-08-10T22:36:00.000+08:00

no sad last words nor teary goodbyes.

melbourne, here i am.

ignore me, i'm blue.

2007-07-28T12:37:00.000+08:00

I wonder if we sometimes judge how perfect our lives are by looking too much at how well our relationship is doing. Not having one definitely does not mean life is lacking. There are too many expectations, too much ideals placed on an ohsoperfect boygirl-youMe that sometimes we fail to recognise that HimMeThem are enough. Whatever happened to our sweet eighteen sophomore year at college when boys were dirt and friends were all we needed to have a good time and a good laugh.

Pardon me - my relationship is doing fine, but I am just being a grumpy, cynical grouch. I am just growing old.

My little space

2007-07-23T13:43:00.000+08:00

Here's a simple picture of my 'little office' space. Hehe.. the one in the middle is the lounge area where we have out friday drinks. =D

ps. I'm just so bored at work now babe.. yawwnnzzz

7am sweet talk.

2007-07-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

i never realised that condensed milk was a luxury item until the mailman said to my mom this morning that with all the gst increases, he is thanking god his kids are all 7 yearsold and above. in this way, he wouldn't have to buy milk powder and condensed milk. i also learnt that condensed milk used to be fortycents. now it's a dollar thirty if i remember correctly. talk about inflation.

to think i used to dip my finger into the condensedmilkpot as and when i wanted a little sweetness in my mouth. shame on me.

i want to join the army.

2007-07-14T10:37:00.000+08:00

my date with potter did not go very well except for the free mini mushroom pies, chocolate eclairs and sweetsour popcorn digging. other than the freefood and redcarpet wannabe treatment, the order of the phoenix was disappointing. they shouldn't hype it up so much.

but lets face it. potter is growing up - he frenchkissed a chinese girl, making me very upset. and there was no mmaaggiic..oh wait, there was the abracadabra spell. potter's so dark now, where has all the good innocence disappeared to? that said, i still want to join dumbledore's army and learn the expecto petronum and expelliarmus spells. (:

beer&talkalot after was good. melbourne was momentarily relived and our cares of today forgotten. which leads me to wonder if it is healthy to keep riding on past memories. i cannot imagine the day i start to forget more than just street names and tram numbers. that, would be most horrifying.

lets clap.

2007-07-13T10:51:00.001+08:00

a big thankyou and a hundred hugs to my fourteen year old sister for giving my blog a revamp in slightly under an hour despite intense pressure from the i-want-it-now demands of her older sister, me. (:

befuddled

2007-07-12T19:31:00.000+08:00

i thought they had long ago been locked up in realms of netherworld.
it is unsettling to know that things of the past still lingers
and that they are back to haunt me.
i know because talking about them uncharnels all past emotions green and black.
i find myself back at square one,
feeling a little disorientated,
a little antsy.
hmmm
i dont like this. ):

my tuesday-afterwork.

2007-07-10T20:07:00.000+08:00

my ideal:
knocks off at 530pm on the dot.
squeezes in a tender loving nailcare session.
home by 730 to have dinner with my parents.
relaxes on the bed in an airconditioned room
watching preferrably SexAndTheCity.
turning in at 11pm
and waking up feeling refreshed [for once] the next day.

my reality:
knocks off at 745pm.
nails - can't be bothered.
had dinner alone [parents are out]
air-conditioning is faulty.
fang holds my favourite girly TV series.
i have work and
i don't think i am going to be hitting the sacks anywhere before midnight.

dawn goes green

2007-07-09T09:06:00.000+08:00

in the afternoon:
whoever thought golf just involved moving your hips and swinging the club,
you are w.r.o.n.g.
two hours of moving&swinging at the range yesterday left my 23yearold body feeling what it would be like 37years later.
i cannot move.
and i still cannot hit the ball.

over dinner:
after golf, J1, J2, O and i went for dinner. Whilst J1 and J2 queued for food, O and i decided to go get drinks.

O: aunty, one soyabean, icecream soda, 100plus and greentea please.
*aunty places cans and four cups with ice on a tray and i took three straws [J1 does not use
straws - environmental friendly]
O: oops, no straw for me. *returns one straw*
me: haha, are you environmental too?
O: YUP!
...on second thoughts...
oh, no straw for J2 too. *returns another straw*
me: *looking embarrassingly at my only straw left in the cup* okay, then no straw for me too.

so there you have it, i'm going green.
all hail mother earth.

a rough diamond

2007-07-08T23:32:00.001+08:00

a week ago, someone shared with me about something called
SoulTies.
not sure if i have spelt it correctly but i vaguely grasp the concept.

for those who know, many things happened over the last one year.
why, how and when i do not know. they just did.
i started searching; searching for answers to justify what i felt was totally unjustifiable.
why should a good and obedient man fall?
it did not make any sense to me.
it did not stuck me to stop searching and seek either.
i was looking in all the wrong places.
so i fell.
fell far away from Him.
it had been a year of rollercoaster emotions and character change.
or shaping if i can be more kind to myself.

so, back to SoulTies.
apparently it has something to do with sins from the past; and that you have to pray for deliverance and release. [i will edit this when i get to know more]
somehow this explanation sounded reasonable and plausible. maybe badthings are happening because of our 'sins of the past'?
whatever it is, and as sketchy as it may sound, SoulTies spoke to me.
and i began to pray.
each time i prayed, i would remember to pray for deliverance from these generational knots.
as i prayed more, i feel God beginning to do His work.
is this revival?

i will not say more, but God has been good.
God has been merciful and gracious.
to a very battered spirit, i feel uplifted.

SoulTies is not the only reason why i'm beginning to see God again -God has been slowly working all along-, but it is a message that struck me so hard it made me stand up and start to think and re-evaluate. to the person who shared SoulTies with me, thankyou. i never told you, but sometimes talking to you is like putting up small post-its in my mind; constantly reminding about God and His goodness and grace, something that tends to just slip out through my ears ever so often. so really, thankyou.

glimpse,

2007-07-06T00:16:00.000+08:00

how do you keep your friendships and relationships alive all the time, at the same time?

without losing sight of other important nittygrittys?

people get left behind.
when we get older, we start having different priorities.
different firsts and lasts.
it is inevitable that people get forgotten along the way.
or is it not?

i'm starting to fall and run alongside common belief -
twentyfour hours a day is not enough.
so sometimes i throw who'simportant and what'simportant aside.

but God made DayNight this way, so technically there should be enough time for everything that matters, right?

sometimes i get a lil' confused
and things get a lil' blurry
and i get a lil' tired and drained.

then i wonder,
what, or maybe who, am i placing as my firsts and lasts.
where am i going?
what am i pursuing?

it is good to have conversations that egg you to use the brain more than just at work
because only then do i stop running away
and come faceTOface with teething issues and buggerish problems that have been swept under the carpet for a long, long time ago.

so every now and then, please give me a little push.
remind me that the fluff of the world is not sturdy enough
ultimately to get by, we need the supernatural One.

out of the very blue

2007-07-03T23:52:00.000+08:00

i feel inspired to write.
about nothg in particular.
no one reads but you&i.
but it's okay,
i just feel - inspired. (:

so my weekend -
it was all good
better than good in fact.
beers were yum,
band was awesome,
company was fantastic.

oh, i got hooked on transformers and bumblebee.

and so this is my first attempt,
after months of hiatus.
and i am happy.
(:

Interview

2007-04-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

Went for my first ever interview in Oz, turned out it wasn't as scary as what people said it would be. The lady was real friendly, chatted about hobbies, she loves soccer and supports MU too!! haha... well, i hope i received a call this week with a good response. =D Pray for me ya babe.

p.s i miss you so much over here... =)

Down

2007-03-09T18:49:00.000+08:00

Why did this happen? Guess its a reminder of God's grace and a wake up call for me at the same time.

I miss you more after every passing day. Babe, Thanks for being there for me. XOXO. Life Goes on......

tt's when iloveyou.

2007-03-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
WhenI love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

2007-03-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

chinesenewyr has come and gone.
really really quickly.
work is back in fullforce and for the first time in halfayr
i'm actually choosg to give up the social.

i wonder how mom does it.
how she wills herself to get out of bed at six every morng.
how she makes multiple trips from the office to pick her kids up from sch.
how she comes home only to do more work.
how channel8news has become her only relaxation.
how she juggles it all so very well.

so tmr shall be the day i try
to be a superwoman.
eeps.

blink blink

2007-02-22T02:49:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i dunno if babe's eyes are opened or closed. *grin*

BUt i stIll heart you. =)

2007-02-20T01:40:00.000+08:00

this is life.
i miss 3s05.
i miss hanging out and dng nothg.
i miss gossipgatstaircases. safewayshoppg. yummysuzurantrips.
i miss threemanbridge. mahjongtillsix. midnightornigiri.
i miss latenightdesserts. ricecookersteamboats. mr.brown'sbrownies.
i miss toygwithcameras. arguing over ambitions&aspirations. flappgblankets.
i miss melbourne.

sitting here

2007-02-18T22:24:00.000+08:00

Sitting here in my room alone just makes me wish u were here evenmore. May it be plucking my hair or 'pei pei' me. I dun really care.. just miss u so much. =)

2007-02-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

you've come and gone.
i find myself lookg at the rm you occupied
ever so often.
nobody knows when i will see you again.
imissyou.

143

2007-02-08T12:38:00.000+08:00

Those 3 words, i've said too much.

If i lay here,
If i just lay here,
Would u lie with me,
and just forget the world?

Imissyou.

you are

2007-02-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

the most adorable.

2007-02-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

at times it seems hard
and almost impossible.

the past can be overwhelmg.
it can cast many doubts and whatifs.

how i wish you can be here
so that whatifs can become definite we cans
and the impossibles attainable.

2007-02-07T00:42:00.000+08:00

i'm back.
we are back.
good ol' blogger.

now it's time to rock&roll.